There is no trigger warning for this post as I've had a positive week, so grab a cuppa and have a read of what I have been up to...
As you may know from the previous recovery updates of mine, the past few weeks haven't been the best but I've really come out of my shell this past week.
I am battling depression, panic attacks and my Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder everyday and moving forward in recovery, not as much as i'd like but like everything, it takes time and time is on my side at the moment.
Monday I felt like rubbish, I didn't know why, I just did. I managed to leave my bed though which was a achievement. I spent most of the day in bed though due to just being and feeling ill, I had a bad stomach and yeah, i'll spare you the details.
I spent hours online shopping, ready for Payday Friday, Primark was definitely a contender, I just love their products. I had received a gift card for Primark from my cousin for Christmas 2015 and I was in desperate need of a new bag and purse so I spent ages online, but couldn't find one, so I left that until Friday. (Yes, I am going to do a Primark Haul on my other blog so watch out for that, when it's up, it'll be posted on my Twitter so be sure to follow me, I'm @cjoanward_)
Wednesday I went to the 50th Birthday Mass at my primary school (I left there nearly 11 years ago, I feel so old!) and saw so many of my teachers, including my Year 5 teacher who used to tell me off nearly everyday and I really wanted to talk to her so I went over, waited patiently until she turned to speak to my Mum and I. My legs couldn't stop shaking, I was literally petrified, mainly because I hadn't seen her in ages and partly because my anxiety was going mental. Not only was my Year 5 teacher there, my head teacher was there, the secretary attended, my other teachers were there too, it was crazy and so overwhelming, I loved it.
The next day was the Official 50th Birthday of the school. The whole school blew up with happy memories and the children at the school were so enthusiastic about the whole day and we enjoyed the memories of each decade from the 60's until now and also their predictions as to what the future might look like. Two enjoyable days were definitely the best two days ever!
After my breakdown last week, I was so happy with how this week started and ended.
Fast forward to Friday, PAYDAY!! I had my list of what I needed.
Translucent powder, paracetamol, a necklace, lipstick, a new handbag, a new purse and a McDonald's later, I was back home with a massive hole in my pocket! I haven't been in Primark for ages, so it was quite a rewarding shopping trip! :)
Yesterday I didn't really do much. Tidied my room and went to Morrisons. I had a panic attack as soon as I got there, but carried on as normal and it only lasted 5 minutes so it wasn't too bad. My Nan brought over my clean washing and I was back home ready to watch the Ireland VS Scotland rugby match :)
Today I haven't really got much on. Gonna catch up on the cleaning of the house though as I've been slacking, but yeah :) this week has been so positive!
Miss Catherine x
Sunday, 20 March 2016
Monday, 14 March 2016
#MHChat 16/03/2016
If you're on Twitter and are passionate about mental health, then please follow and take part in +MHChat every Wednesday 8PM UTC.
This week it's all about the relationship between physical health and mental health and as a blogger, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to share my opinions on how they are treated so differently.
I may have touched up on this very briefly in another blog post, but I haven't really put it into a lot of detail so... here we go.
Physical health, to me, is treated with more respect than mental health. Maybe because you can actually see the problem, whereas with mental health "it's all in your head", but if you cut yourself or stung yourself on something and visit the local hospital/walk in centre, they are completely fine with it. If you tell them that you self-harmed or overdosed, it's a completely different story and I think that's wrong on so many levels.
Mental health is just as important as your physical health but i'd rather have a broken arm or leg than a broken mind which I've been doomed with.
When I visit hospital because of either self-harm or if a paramedic comes out to me who has seen me before for my mental health (overdose or self-harm) I'm instantly judged, and they don't even say anything but you kind of sense the atmosphere is really awkward but when I dislocated my knees, they just joke about and it's a great atmosphere. Don't get me wrong, that's not EVERYONE'S experience, this is just my own, the NHS is great but my experience hasn't been very positive. I'm sitting in the waiting area for hours on end, seen by a doctor then wait another few hours for the crisis team to assess me which results me wasting my time because they just send me home in a taxi as "normal" so... my experiences weren't very great but no doubt that the nurses and doctors in the NHS are just the best!! :)
Just like the paramedic on 999 What's Your Emergency said "we go to someone who's having a heart attack, we can treat that. We go to someone who's having a stroke, we can do something about that. We go to someone with a broken arm, we can sort their pain out. We then go to someone who's having suicidal thoughts or feeling depressed, there's no magic cure for that."
And it's very true!!!
Catch the @MHChat on Twitter on Wednesday at 8PM UTC and you can tweet me also using @cjoanward_.
Miss Catherine x
This week it's all about the relationship between physical health and mental health and as a blogger, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to share my opinions on how they are treated so differently.
I may have touched up on this very briefly in another blog post, but I haven't really put it into a lot of detail so... here we go.
Physical health, to me, is treated with more respect than mental health. Maybe because you can actually see the problem, whereas with mental health "it's all in your head", but if you cut yourself or stung yourself on something and visit the local hospital/walk in centre, they are completely fine with it. If you tell them that you self-harmed or overdosed, it's a completely different story and I think that's wrong on so many levels.
Mental health is just as important as your physical health but i'd rather have a broken arm or leg than a broken mind which I've been doomed with.
When I visit hospital because of either self-harm or if a paramedic comes out to me who has seen me before for my mental health (overdose or self-harm) I'm instantly judged, and they don't even say anything but you kind of sense the atmosphere is really awkward but when I dislocated my knees, they just joke about and it's a great atmosphere. Don't get me wrong, that's not EVERYONE'S experience, this is just my own, the NHS is great but my experience hasn't been very positive. I'm sitting in the waiting area for hours on end, seen by a doctor then wait another few hours for the crisis team to assess me which results me wasting my time because they just send me home in a taxi as "normal" so... my experiences weren't very great but no doubt that the nurses and doctors in the NHS are just the best!! :)
Just like the paramedic on 999 What's Your Emergency said "we go to someone who's having a heart attack, we can treat that. We go to someone who's having a stroke, we can do something about that. We go to someone with a broken arm, we can sort their pain out. We then go to someone who's having suicidal thoughts or feeling depressed, there's no magic cure for that."
And it's very true!!!
Catch the @MHChat on Twitter on Wednesday at 8PM UTC and you can tweet me also using @cjoanward_.
Miss Catherine x
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Recovery Update #4
Before you read on... if you're triggered by suicide, self-harm or overdosing, please be aware that this blog post mentions these in detail. Read on at your own risk.
The last week has been very emotional, negative and just crap.
I had bottled everything up, for 2 weeks and it all came out in one big burst of emotions and actions. It was hard because when I spoke to my family about my problems, I always felt like a burden to them so I kept quiet, until Wednesday, that's when I felt the world crashing down on me.
I had felt so low and just felt like giving up. I rummaged through my drawers for something sharp... found scissors, an odd screw... no, then I found a curvy grip (bobby pin). I had used these before so I knew how to make it sharp. I bit off the blunt bits on the end and started scratching them against my arm, a few seconds later, I was bleeding. It hurt like hell, but it reminded me that I was still alive.
I wanted to go deeper and try and hit a vein, I broke down into tears. I felt so ashamed of myself by doing this, now I'm going to have a massive cut on my arm that I need to try and cover everyday.
I thought of overdosing, as this was a way of relieving some pain and also no one would notice. Then I thought of something better, that would kill me instantly.
I went to the window upstairs, over the porch, and wanted to jump.
I felt this overwhelming rush of emotions and heard my nieces and nephews shout 'no, jayjay' (what they call me). I felt so selfish so I got back up into my window and broke down in tears.
I knew I had to speak up about it, because if it wasn't for my conscious mind, I would be dead.
I cried myself to sleep, woke up the next morning and phoned the doctors to book an emergency appointment with my doctor. I had an appointment at 10:10am that morning, I felt so relieved to be able to see my own doctor 2 hours later.
I phoned about and asked my family who could take me over. They asked why, I lied. I said it was a medication review as it was making me sick, lies.
I got there with plenty of time to spare. My hands were sweaty as I signed in on the screen. I sat down on the chair right in front of his door. I felt like I was about to be sick. He came out and called other people through, I was definitely about to be sick. I held it in and when my phone hit 10:10am, I was shaking uncontrollably. He came out and said 'i'll be with you in a minute okay' I pretended I was okay and just smiled back. 10/20minutes went by and suddenly I thought that he was talking to my actual GP about why I was calling and arranging a section 136 to come and get me. He wasn't. Well, he might have but there was no police anywhere so I felt relieved. He came back down with his coffee or tea and called me in. I sat down, he asked me why now, why straight away? I burst into tears and he knew something wasn't right. I told him what I wanted to do last night, I showed him the cut (now scabbed over) and he was straight on the phone. The words "i'd like to refer a patient for hospital admission" went straight through me, I was definitely going to be sick. I burst into tears again, I was about to be sectioned. He typed up a few things and ended the conversation on the phone, I followed him out and he told the receptionist that I need to be kept an eye on as I was feeling actively suicidal. 4 hours later, I was finally called through to be assessed. After about 10 minutes, he was on the phone to arrange a visit from a doctor from the crisis team. An appointment was booked and a taxi was arranged to pick me up. There wasn't any mention of a hospital admission or anything, even after my doctor saying that he would be surprised if I wasn't admitted today. I felt like I was getting somewhere, but then the crisis team mucked it up, as always.
I felt so upset I wanted to walk out and nearly did. I waited back in line to see if my doctor was available to see me again straight away, he wasn't. I saw another doctor who told me to wait in the waiting room for the phone call from crisis team. I felt like I had been failed. My own doctor had done all that he could to get me help and I'm back to square one. I was expected to ring this number and that number, use these techniques. Well, i'd used that number but most of the time it was engaged. I had used these techniques since I was 9 and its not getting any easier. So... thanks but no thanks.
I finally gave up waiting and left the doctors, without any one knowing. I waited outside and phoned my Nan and basically told her that nothing is being done and I'm expected to just carry on.
She said she was gonna pick me up and bring me to Granddad's as he had a meal for me (I haven't been eating). I went over there, sat down with my Nan and again, burst into tears knowing that they thought I had my meds reviewed. Through tears, I told them the truth.
The questions started pouring out and I just felt like I was a burden to them, I felt like running away and very nearly did.
I heard my Granddad's friend come through the front door, I went back to my normal self and pretended everything was fine, wiped away my tears and put on that old fake smile I knew all too well. Then my Nan became very worried at the way I had just switched back to pretending.
I sat down and had my meal, with tears rolling down my face. No one heard me or seen me though and that's how its always been.
I sat back down in the conservatory, listening to "the good old days" and fought back the tears. She then left and I was back to finding answers to these questions.
I remember sitting there, with my head in my hands and just wanting the questions, voices, pain to just leave me alone. Or leave in general.
My Nan's partner suggested I went to stay with them for that night. I had objections because of my cut, but I knew I could open up to my Nan, so I pulled her aside and showed her.
The next day, I woke up with chest pains. I phoned 111 NHS Direct and they sent an ambulance car out. 3 hours later, I was seen and sent home.
Had breakfast and the taxi had arrived to pick me up. 20 minutes later, I was speaking to a doctor who had prescribed me some other tablets that are stronger than the ones I was on.
About an hour later, I finally felt like I was getting somewhere.
I went back to my Nan's house and had lunch. My Granddad and his friend then came over to bring me some food for that night.
I then went home.
My room was an absolute tip, but while I was taking to the doctor, my Nan had gone over to tidy it all up.
The next day I expected to see the psychiatrist again, but instead it was someone from the crisis team. I felt like I was back at square one yet again, trying to prove everything again.
I have an appointment tomorrow to see the same lady and I don't want to go. My Nan is coming with me whether they like it or not, and she's gonna have an opportunity to say how she feels.
I'm still feeling suicidal, I just want to give up. No one is helping me and I feel like every time I ask for help, it's just a 1hr consultation with a counsellor and sent home in a taxi expected to just carry on.
Well not anymore. If I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm walking out. Simple.
Miss Catherine x
The last week has been very emotional, negative and just crap.
I had bottled everything up, for 2 weeks and it all came out in one big burst of emotions and actions. It was hard because when I spoke to my family about my problems, I always felt like a burden to them so I kept quiet, until Wednesday, that's when I felt the world crashing down on me.
I had felt so low and just felt like giving up. I rummaged through my drawers for something sharp... found scissors, an odd screw... no, then I found a curvy grip (bobby pin). I had used these before so I knew how to make it sharp. I bit off the blunt bits on the end and started scratching them against my arm, a few seconds later, I was bleeding. It hurt like hell, but it reminded me that I was still alive.
I wanted to go deeper and try and hit a vein, I broke down into tears. I felt so ashamed of myself by doing this, now I'm going to have a massive cut on my arm that I need to try and cover everyday.
I thought of overdosing, as this was a way of relieving some pain and also no one would notice. Then I thought of something better, that would kill me instantly.
I went to the window upstairs, over the porch, and wanted to jump.
I felt this overwhelming rush of emotions and heard my nieces and nephews shout 'no, jayjay' (what they call me). I felt so selfish so I got back up into my window and broke down in tears.
I knew I had to speak up about it, because if it wasn't for my conscious mind, I would be dead.
I cried myself to sleep, woke up the next morning and phoned the doctors to book an emergency appointment with my doctor. I had an appointment at 10:10am that morning, I felt so relieved to be able to see my own doctor 2 hours later.
I phoned about and asked my family who could take me over. They asked why, I lied. I said it was a medication review as it was making me sick, lies.
I got there with plenty of time to spare. My hands were sweaty as I signed in on the screen. I sat down on the chair right in front of his door. I felt like I was about to be sick. He came out and called other people through, I was definitely about to be sick. I held it in and when my phone hit 10:10am, I was shaking uncontrollably. He came out and said 'i'll be with you in a minute okay' I pretended I was okay and just smiled back. 10/20minutes went by and suddenly I thought that he was talking to my actual GP about why I was calling and arranging a section 136 to come and get me. He wasn't. Well, he might have but there was no police anywhere so I felt relieved. He came back down with his coffee or tea and called me in. I sat down, he asked me why now, why straight away? I burst into tears and he knew something wasn't right. I told him what I wanted to do last night, I showed him the cut (now scabbed over) and he was straight on the phone. The words "i'd like to refer a patient for hospital admission" went straight through me, I was definitely going to be sick. I burst into tears again, I was about to be sectioned. He typed up a few things and ended the conversation on the phone, I followed him out and he told the receptionist that I need to be kept an eye on as I was feeling actively suicidal. 4 hours later, I was finally called through to be assessed. After about 10 minutes, he was on the phone to arrange a visit from a doctor from the crisis team. An appointment was booked and a taxi was arranged to pick me up. There wasn't any mention of a hospital admission or anything, even after my doctor saying that he would be surprised if I wasn't admitted today. I felt like I was getting somewhere, but then the crisis team mucked it up, as always.
I felt so upset I wanted to walk out and nearly did. I waited back in line to see if my doctor was available to see me again straight away, he wasn't. I saw another doctor who told me to wait in the waiting room for the phone call from crisis team. I felt like I had been failed. My own doctor had done all that he could to get me help and I'm back to square one. I was expected to ring this number and that number, use these techniques. Well, i'd used that number but most of the time it was engaged. I had used these techniques since I was 9 and its not getting any easier. So... thanks but no thanks.
I finally gave up waiting and left the doctors, without any one knowing. I waited outside and phoned my Nan and basically told her that nothing is being done and I'm expected to just carry on.
She said she was gonna pick me up and bring me to Granddad's as he had a meal for me (I haven't been eating). I went over there, sat down with my Nan and again, burst into tears knowing that they thought I had my meds reviewed. Through tears, I told them the truth.
The questions started pouring out and I just felt like I was a burden to them, I felt like running away and very nearly did.
I heard my Granddad's friend come through the front door, I went back to my normal self and pretended everything was fine, wiped away my tears and put on that old fake smile I knew all too well. Then my Nan became very worried at the way I had just switched back to pretending.
I sat down and had my meal, with tears rolling down my face. No one heard me or seen me though and that's how its always been.
I sat back down in the conservatory, listening to "the good old days" and fought back the tears. She then left and I was back to finding answers to these questions.
I remember sitting there, with my head in my hands and just wanting the questions, voices, pain to just leave me alone. Or leave in general.
My Nan's partner suggested I went to stay with them for that night. I had objections because of my cut, but I knew I could open up to my Nan, so I pulled her aside and showed her.
The next day, I woke up with chest pains. I phoned 111 NHS Direct and they sent an ambulance car out. 3 hours later, I was seen and sent home.
Had breakfast and the taxi had arrived to pick me up. 20 minutes later, I was speaking to a doctor who had prescribed me some other tablets that are stronger than the ones I was on.
About an hour later, I finally felt like I was getting somewhere.
I went back to my Nan's house and had lunch. My Granddad and his friend then came over to bring me some food for that night.
I then went home.
My room was an absolute tip, but while I was taking to the doctor, my Nan had gone over to tidy it all up.
The next day I expected to see the psychiatrist again, but instead it was someone from the crisis team. I felt like I was back at square one yet again, trying to prove everything again.
I have an appointment tomorrow to see the same lady and I don't want to go. My Nan is coming with me whether they like it or not, and she's gonna have an opportunity to say how she feels.
I'm still feeling suicidal, I just want to give up. No one is helping me and I feel like every time I ask for help, it's just a 1hr consultation with a counsellor and sent home in a taxi expected to just carry on.
Well not anymore. If I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm walking out. Simple.
Miss Catherine x
Monday, 7 March 2016
Just some thoughts...
This morning, I couldn't breathe, I woke up gasping for air that I don't think was even there. My eyes wouldn't open properly, I was so tired... then I asked myself why I was tired? I don't work, I don't have children to look after...
Then I remembered what someone said to me yesterday... "why don't you help? It's not like you work or anything..?" It made me think that I wasn't worthy of being tired or worthy of anything... that I was just there to exist, no, not even that.
I am signed off work (not that I have a job or anything), banned from driving for 3 months and I'm supposed to be okay with it. I've come off my medication because I don't want to be using pills to feel normal. I've got two and a half months left before I am legal to drive again, I need to be stable. Not only that I need to be stable for as long as possible so my family aren't on my back constantly.
I feel suffocated and alone all at the same time, if I ask to be with someone for 5mins and the answer is no, that's me back in my cave for the rest of the day until I want to check to see if the "no" still stands and if not, then I repeat the process.
Wednesdays are my big anxious days, but I take this opportunity to look after myself, I use weekends too, but on Wednesdays I know I can't be with family because they just judge me, the way I look, dress, smell (when I haven't bathed in days). I hate making excuses as to why I smell bad, or why I can't leave my bed and yes it is my illness but I'm embarrassed to say this so I have to just go "yeah okay, i'll fix it" but it never gets fixed.
I feel like a burden, who just exists to make everyone else's life a living hell. Which is what a lot of family members say about their loved ones who suffer with mental illnesses.
I was told today that "my mum had the kids to look after, all your problems..." and I just felt so bad for her and in fact the whole family. Suicidal thoughts were going through my head, I was thinking if I could get a taxi to the underpass near school, then i'd quite happily jump off it, or maybe get a bunch of paracetamol and take the whole lot... lots of things were going round my head. Until my nephew walked in and asked what was wrong (a five year old child noticed along with my 2 year old niece noticed and no one else) as I was crying.
I thought right, let's go for a walk to the shops and we did, it really took my mind of everything and I bought everyone a treat just for being awesome!!
These are kind of spur of the moment kind of posts so look out for my next blog post using my twitter (@cjoanward_
Miss Catherine x
Then I remembered what someone said to me yesterday... "why don't you help? It's not like you work or anything..?" It made me think that I wasn't worthy of being tired or worthy of anything... that I was just there to exist, no, not even that.
I am signed off work (not that I have a job or anything), banned from driving for 3 months and I'm supposed to be okay with it. I've come off my medication because I don't want to be using pills to feel normal. I've got two and a half months left before I am legal to drive again, I need to be stable. Not only that I need to be stable for as long as possible so my family aren't on my back constantly.
I feel suffocated and alone all at the same time, if I ask to be with someone for 5mins and the answer is no, that's me back in my cave for the rest of the day until I want to check to see if the "no" still stands and if not, then I repeat the process.
Wednesdays are my big anxious days, but I take this opportunity to look after myself, I use weekends too, but on Wednesdays I know I can't be with family because they just judge me, the way I look, dress, smell (when I haven't bathed in days). I hate making excuses as to why I smell bad, or why I can't leave my bed and yes it is my illness but I'm embarrassed to say this so I have to just go "yeah okay, i'll fix it" but it never gets fixed.
I feel like a burden, who just exists to make everyone else's life a living hell. Which is what a lot of family members say about their loved ones who suffer with mental illnesses.
I was told today that "my mum had the kids to look after, all your problems..." and I just felt so bad for her and in fact the whole family. Suicidal thoughts were going through my head, I was thinking if I could get a taxi to the underpass near school, then i'd quite happily jump off it, or maybe get a bunch of paracetamol and take the whole lot... lots of things were going round my head. Until my nephew walked in and asked what was wrong (a five year old child noticed along with my 2 year old niece noticed and no one else) as I was crying.
I thought right, let's go for a walk to the shops and we did, it really took my mind of everything and I bought everyone a treat just for being awesome!!
These are kind of spur of the moment kind of posts so look out for my next blog post using my twitter (@cjoanward_
Miss Catherine x
Recovery Update #3
I can't believe that it's already been 3 weeks since I started these recovery updates, but time does fly!!
The past week hasn't been the best. I have been hiding so much from everyone. And it's time I talked about it. On here only of course. I'm scared of what my family will say but you know, they'll find out sooner or later.
I've been stepping on the scales before every meal, I've been living on liquids when i'm on my own in my room. The most food I've eaten on my own is a packet of biscuits and that's really it.
Today was Mother's Day in the U.K so I was with family for most of today. I had a big meal which I would never normally have if I wasn't with family, I would fake a good appetite so they wouldn't suss anything, I did eat most of it so I'm dreading stepping on the scales tomorrow.
My doctor phoned me last week and I did let him know about the dramatic weight loss and he wants me to bring my Nan or Granddad with me to see him, I don't feel okay with that but I'm gonna try and change my mind or try and go on my own.
I just want to be healthy and at the moment, I don't feel healthy so I'm going to do something about it.
Miss Catherine x
The past week hasn't been the best. I have been hiding so much from everyone. And it's time I talked about it. On here only of course. I'm scared of what my family will say but you know, they'll find out sooner or later.
I've been stepping on the scales before every meal, I've been living on liquids when i'm on my own in my room. The most food I've eaten on my own is a packet of biscuits and that's really it.
Today was Mother's Day in the U.K so I was with family for most of today. I had a big meal which I would never normally have if I wasn't with family, I would fake a good appetite so they wouldn't suss anything, I did eat most of it so I'm dreading stepping on the scales tomorrow.
My doctor phoned me last week and I did let him know about the dramatic weight loss and he wants me to bring my Nan or Granddad with me to see him, I don't feel okay with that but I'm gonna try and change my mind or try and go on my own.
I just want to be healthy and at the moment, I don't feel healthy so I'm going to do something about it.
Miss Catherine x
Tuesday, 1 March 2016
National Self-Injury Awareness Day - Information for Parents/Carers
Self-harm can start from a young age, it can start from any age. It's important that you look out for the warning signs, some are listed below and i'll also give you some links for more medical information.
If you think/know someone who is self-harming, please let them know that you are there for them as it can mean that they feel alone.
Links;
Relate (Teens)
Childline (Children)
Mind (any age)
It's hard for them to speak out, so please be patient if we brush you off and ignore you, we don't mean to.
I hope this helps and good luck to any parent out there who has a child using self-harm as a way of coping.
Miss Catherine x
If you think/know someone who is self-harming, please let them know that you are there for them as it can mean that they feel alone.
- Hide all sharp objects. Out of sight sometimes means out of mind, not always though so keep a close eye on changes in behaviour.
- If you're close to your son/daughter, notice how they interact with you. Are they acting their normal self - if not, go with your gut feeling and get them help.
- Be understanding and let them know you're there for them. This is the best therapy for someone who is hurting inside.
- I used to refuse to wear short sleeves as this would show the scars so if your child refuses to do the same, get help.
- Telling them to stop will make it worse, try and sit them down and simply ask them what's been going on.
Links;
Relate (Teens)
Childline (Children)
Mind (any age)
It's hard for them to speak out, so please be patient if we brush you off and ignore you, we don't mean to.
I hope this helps and good luck to any parent out there who has a child using self-harm as a way of coping.
Miss Catherine x
National Self-Injury Awareness Day - Self-Harm Alternatives
I have scheduled multiple blog posts to go up throughout today, so please have a look through as many as you can, including my own personal struggles with self-harm which you can read here.
There are so many alternatives that work just as well as self-harming without the physical injury.
Here are a few that I personally use;
1. When I'm feeling very angry for one reason or no reason at all, I find that getting the anger out as soon as possible helps me the most. There are a couple of ways of doing this.
Miss Catherine x
There are so many alternatives that work just as well as self-harming without the physical injury.
Here are a few that I personally use;
1. When I'm feeling very angry for one reason or no reason at all, I find that getting the anger out as soon as possible helps me the most. There are a couple of ways of doing this.
- The first thing I'd want to do is punch something, something soft. A large pillow is best for this because you don't have to be accurate, you can just punch anywhere. Continue doing this and I guarantee the anger will be gone.
- Singing to a powerful song. Power ballads or anything you like is a good call. I do this all the time. I sometimes even lip-sync the anger out of me in a mirror, it's very affective.
- Stomping and screaming. I don't do this as much but it does also help. If you are lucky enough to have a house to yourself for a few minutes or even hours, this is the perfect time. Don't do it at work, otherwise that promotion you were hoping for has already gone.
- Dance it out. Blare your favourite track and just dance like no one is watching. Go crazy with it and just have fun!
- Going for a walk, getting some fresh air is great!
- Phoning or being with someone who makes you happy.
Miss Catherine x
National Self-Injury Awareness Day: My Story
So this is a completely different type of blog post because it's going to be more detailed, I'm basically going to be 100% honest because I feel that it's important to be open about these things.
If this helps one of you reading this or helps you understand what someone you know is going through, then my job here is done.
This is my first time speaking up about this, so please be patient.
I started self-harming at 15, I had my dinner one night and the voices in my head were telling me that my family is going to get ill now that I've eaten. They told me that the only way to undo it was to kick myself. I always had cuts and bruises on my body from us being a kid and mucking around on the playground, but this was the next level.
I'd go to school the next day and refuse to wear shorts in P.E because of the bruises on my leg that I caused the night before.
I've not spoken up about this, but I want to do so now because it'll hopefully inspire others to speak up about any struggles. I'm booking another doctors appointment and telling all so if you have the chance to do the same, please do. It'll help you.
Miss Catherine x
If this helps one of you reading this or helps you understand what someone you know is going through, then my job here is done.
This is my first time speaking up about this, so please be patient.
I started self-harming at 15, I had my dinner one night and the voices in my head were telling me that my family is going to get ill now that I've eaten. They told me that the only way to undo it was to kick myself. I always had cuts and bruises on my body from us being a kid and mucking around on the playground, but this was the next level.
I'd go to school the next day and refuse to wear shorts in P.E because of the bruises on my leg that I caused the night before.
I've not spoken up about this, but I want to do so now because it'll hopefully inspire others to speak up about any struggles. I'm booking another doctors appointment and telling all so if you have the chance to do the same, please do. It'll help you.
Miss Catherine x
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