When we think of recovery we think of a graph with the line being drawn from the bottom all the way to the top across the graph.
My experience doesn't even come near that.
Whether you've got depression, anxiety or anorexia, finding the right people to help you is needed as much as food and water is needed.
My experience with getting help started great, I spoke to my safeguarding officer about suffering in silence for 9 years - you can find out more about my story here.
I went to someone who 1. had known me for a good year or so and 2. someone I trusted with what I was telling her. It's her job to look out for people who may be struggling.
Safe to say she was shocked.
I then went to see my doctor, who was helpful at first then decided that one place was definitely going to help, which really didn't, they decided to say I was too "dangerous" for them to take on and so I was back at square one.
I was then in a crisis and had the crisis team come out after being impulsive with my medication and the two times I had overdosed, they landed me in hospital as a voluntary admission, I begged the first time and it was suggested the second time as I had overdosed 2 times that night. The admissions didn't last long, 26 hours each, but it helped in some way. I know how to access the help when I need it and I know who to turn to and who will actually help me.
I was definitely an impulsive patient and ended up going to A&E a lot by ambulance.
As my doctor explains - I'm okay 99% of the time, that 1% left over I'm so impulsive and don't think about the consequences.
The first person I went to as I said was Kirstie, my safeguarding officer in college.
Next I went to see my doctor (family GP) who wasn't very helpful. It was until I was really in a crisis, I met my current doctor who is so understanding and knows me like the back of his hand, he took me under his wing and I've seen him ever since. He started by seeing me every week, then every 2 weeks, every month, every 2 months then said I was safe enough to be seeing him under my terms.
Finding help can be hard for many people just starting to speak out, me, I didn't know who to go to, I just wanted to tell someone before it got worse.
I remember the night before I spoke up, I was having a panic attack and suicidal thoughts were racing around my head, my voices saying "you're better off dead, look at you, you're short and just a waste" It was hell to say the least. I remember writing out the notes I gave to Kirstie, my safeguarding officer and Sian, my personal development coach the next morning.
Find what works for you, somethings are going to and somethings are not going to help you, but it takes time to find what is right.
Catherine x
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