Update:

I'm doing another update because I'm finally having my review for my meds next Thursday. I didn't realise it was a phone call appointment, I've never had a review yet, so this will be interesting.
I'm doing okay, I think. Anorexia is getting on my nerves at the moment, I'm trying my best to not give in to the voice. It's hard. Since being on the new meds, I've gained a lot, I don't know just how much, but I've definitely put on maybe a stone, or more. I hate it. I hate the way I look, I hate my weight, I just hate everything about it. I brought some weightloss capsules, not because Ana wants me to lose all 'this fat' but to get back to a healthy weight. This is not to give into Ana, this was a personal choice, because I feel and look for that matter like a young whale.

I recently started my online childcare course, which is going great. I absolutely love it. It's stressful but that's to be expected. I haven't got any deadlines, it gets done when I can do it. It's so much more relaxed than a proper college course, as I did my level 1 in a college setting, Tresham to be exact. I was allowed to do level 2 but I wanted to 'stay with my friends' which I now regret. I'm doing my level 3 and that's my favourite thing about studying online, you don't have to have experience or qualifications to do a higher level, you just need to be prepared to work for your qualification. I started on 18th September, and I have had a lot of help from my tutor, so if someone that's reading this would like to try it, honestly it's one of the best decisions I've made in my whole life.

It's funny how I can type out a long blog post, but when I try and do an assignment, it's like, what the hell do I type, I'm getting used to it I think, it's a stepping stone. I'm going to be glad when my first unit is finally handed in. It's only 2 units and I'm falling behind I think, but it's fine, I've got 1 year to do it and when it's over, I'll be so happy.

My depression tried to take over my life recently too, so I haven't had the motivation to do any of it. I'll do notes and the little things to build up an assignment bit by bit.

I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist which I think will be positive, but I will be honest with what's been happening and I can't wait to share what I've kept quiet for ages!!




Catherine x