The Big Listen - Samaritans Annual Awareness Day

Here are their contact details and also a link to my group I'm head admin for incase you would like to speak with someone who is in the same boat as you. 

Call: 116 123 (free from all phones UK and ROI only)

Text: 07725909090

Email: jo@samaritans.org (UK)

           jo@samaritans.ie (ROI)

Alternatively, I'm a head admin and admin for many groups, if you feel you just need to talk to someone who has been in your shoes, definitely join this group.

If you have your own experiences with talking with someone from Samaritans, please share your stories below. 

Catherine x

Nearly 2 years since I said yes to a FREE opportunity

Without my business, I wouldn't be typing this today. 
I said yes to a FREE opportunity nearly 2 years ago to create a life, a purpose and to have hope in my life again. 

I was told the worst news, I wasn't be able to live a 'normal' life. I was told I wasn't allowed to work for the next 12 months. That same week I was told I couldn't drive for 3 months until I was stable with my mental health. 

My mental health has got in the way with so many things, did I let that get to me, of course I did. Depression kicked in and I felt lost and worthless. I then planned to end my life, it was heart breaking for me to carry on living, so I didn't want to be here anymore. I saved up my tablets, taking them all at once, with a bottle of vodka in my hand, I was ready to go. I was 19..

2 minutes before I was about to end my life, I was given a lifeline. A way of working without going to work, a way of working where I can choose my own hours, choose who to work with and most importantly a way in which I can do from my bed if depression took a hold again. 

I felt relieved, I didn't want to end my life, I didn't want to do it at all, but at the time, it felt the right thing to do, I didn't want to fail my family. Mental health has well and truly killed me so many times, and I use all my energy to bring myself back up to then get on with what I'm meant to do everyday, like shower, do my hair, tidy up, make myself food. 

I felt hopeful for my future, I had a purpose again. I felt like I could take on the world, just by saying yes to starting my own online business.

If you're struggling to find work or struggling to get a job, open your own door, open your own door to your own success. I struggled with being at work, constantly being watched and judged. I still have my dream career in sight for the first time since I was little, I know what I want to do and have known for a long time.

If you would like some info on how I changed my life and changed my outlook on life, drop me an email via catherinejw@hotmail.com. 

It's nearly 2 years since I said yes to a FREE opportunity and I haven't looked back!! It helps me on my bad days, I love being able to say I'm my own boss.
I'm also been getting back into work, ready for when I pursue my dream career.
I've been working for many charities including of course the homeless shelter. 

I will be going live on my Facebook account on 2nd August, which of course is my 2nd year anniversary with the company I'm partnered with. 

Thank You for your continued support. 

I love you all!!

Catherine x

Casualty Episode 42: Alicia's rape

This blog post is going to include major trigger warnings, I will list them here after I've typed this just so you can decide whether or not to read on. 

This blog post is about the episode 42 of Casualty which was shown tonight (21/07/2018). 

I unfortunately was sexually assaulted when I was 19 years old and it pains me to write about it. The episode this blog post is relating to actually triggered me and has brought me to tears. I still blame myself for what happened to me back in 2014. 

I didn't know what to do with myself. My sister got straight on the phone and called the police, she really supported me through it all and I can't thank her enough for her being there for me. Like Alicia, the character who was sexually assaulted in Casualty, I was also drunk but I didn't say yes or no, so I didn't know if it was rape or not. 

Not only was I sexually assaulted/raped, I was also sexually groomed online at age 14 which i'm yet to speak out about. It's crippled me, even thinking about it now is making me cry so much right now. I'm yet to speak to my doctor about it and I will be going into therapy about it when I can get an appointment with a counsellor at my local Teamwork Trust. 

I used to see a counsellor from the Kettering branch but I can't keep on seeing the same person, if anyone is local to Kettering and needs to see a counsellor, go and see Cathy at Teamwork Trust Kettering, she's amazing!!

I'm going to cut this short because I need to calm down. I can't wait for next weeks episode, I love Casualty!! 

Catherine x

Update

I keep putting off seeing my doctor and I really need to speak to him about something that's been going on for a while but during the recent weeks, I've struggled with it a lot. I need to speak out. I'm also going to use the weighing scales he has in there, as mine have run out of batteries. I'm so nervous about it, which is why I keep putting it off longer and longer. I just think that I'm wasting his time.
When I was experiencing seizures, I was told by my doctor to phone an ambulance but I didn't all the time, I only called an ambulance when I couldn't recover properly from them. I was told by a paramedic that I was wasting resources so when I see a medical professional like my GP I'm always cautious about wasting his time. I'm going to be seeing him on Friday because I'm with my Mum tomorrow so I will WILL make an appointment on Friday to see him then.

Samaritans Talk To Us Month - July 2018

Talk To Us month is an annual awareness-raising campaign by the amazing Samaritans.
I've used Samaritans a few times and I wanted to share their campaign and also contact details just in case you want to contact them yourself whether you're in a crisis or not. 

The first time I contacted Samaritans, I didn't know what to expect. I used their email first of all after I was given a Samaritans bookmark by my counsellor at college. I was then given their text line number via email as it took along time for them to reply to emails as they were only answered during working hours. I then found their phone number to call them for free, all three ways saved my life so many times. I felt I was listened to and understood on so many levels, I can't thank them enough.

Enough about my experiences, here are the numbers:

Call: 116 123 (free from all phones UK and ROI only)

Text: 07725909090

Email: jo@samaritans.org (UK)

           jo@samaritans.ie (ROI)

Alternatively, I'm a head admin and admin for many groups, if you feel you just need to talk to someone who has been in your shoes, definitely join this group.

If you have your own experiences with talking with someone from Samaritans, please share your stories below. 

Catherine x

30 Day Self Care Challenge

I was going through accounts that use the hashtag #mentalhealth and I came across an account that is in the middle of doing a Self Care Challenge for 30 days.

Their Instagram account is called - bipolarandchubby and she also has a blog called the same, here's the link to it.

I started on 29th July 2018 - with Day One, check them out below:
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven
Day Eight

Day Nine: Watch the sunrise or sunset 

I'm so glad this has come up, I love watching the sunset!!

Catherine x

Alcohol Abuse - My Experience - Sober Demi Lovato

I've just listened to Demi Lovato's track called Sober. It's such a great song. These are the lyrics that she sings.. 

I got no excuses
For all of these goodbyes
Call me when it's over
'Cause I'm dying inside
Wake me up when the shakes are gone
And the cold sweats disappear
Call me when it's over
And myself has reappeared

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I do it every, every, every time
It's only when I'm lonely
Sometimes I just wanna cave
And I don't wanna fight
I try and I try and I try and I try
Just hold me, I'm lonely

Momma, I'm so sorry I'm not sober anymore
And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor
To the ones who never left me
We've been down this road before
I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore

I'm sorry to my future love
For the man who left my bed
For making love the way I saved for you inside my head
I'm sorry for the fans I lost
Who watched me fall again

I wanna be a role model
But I'm only human

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I do it every, every, every time
It's only when I'm lonely
Sometimes I just wanna cave
And I don't wanna fight
I try and I try and I try and I try
Just hold me, I'm lonely

I got these lyrics from MetroLyrics which you can find

here..

I haven't really gone into how this relates to me at all on my blog. But I used to abuse alcohol to cope with my mental health. I've been sober from alcohol abuse since 2015. I worked in Wetherspoons, behind the bar and used to buy so much alcohol to take home, and just drink. I finally gave up the day after my 19th birthday. I now only drink socially, I don't drink to get drunk, I don't drink to have fun and most importantly, I don't drink to cope with my mental health. It's been such a long and hard road from my drinking days. I have come so far and I'm so happy with my progress. Yes, okay the rare "I could use a vodka right about now" pops into my head and yes I did drink excessively at my work do but that wasn't to cope with my mental health that was because I was enjoying myself for the first time in ages. Massive thank you to Demi for sharing her story in her documentary Simply Complicated on YouTube and now in her songs. 

If you struggle with alcohol abuse too, please be aware there's so much help out there, going to your GP is so worth it.

Catherine x

Recovery Is Beautiful Series: 6. PTSD

This is my fifth post in my series. 
I have done 3 posts before this so use the links below to navigate to each one..
Anxiety
Depression 
OCD
BPD (EUPD)
Anorexia

I'll be sharing my experiences with the variety of mental health illnesses I suffer with.
Today will be about PTSD  

If you want to see my full story then please click here..

My most recent diagnosis is PTSD. I was sexually groomed online and also raped twice. 
It was hell. I didn't speak up until a few months ago because I felt guilty for what happened to me all those times. 
I am recovering from PTSD and I know I can, with a little professional help, I can get there, back to the road to recovery. 


It's a tough journey, but know you are not alone in this.

We are here to help you. 

Much love,
Catherine x