Update: 18th May 2018

Hey!! 
I know i've been very absent on here and also my general blog, but i'm back and to start my blogs off again, I'm going to share an update on my mental health and just a general update on what is happening in the life of me.
Since I spoke to you all, I've had alot going on. 
The last post was before I started seeing my psychologist, well things didn't go to plan. There wasn't much organisation with each session, I was basically talking to a counsellor each time I saw him, then he decided to actually be organised but soon that went down the drain.
He started being late to our sessions, our sessions went down from being an hour long, to him coming down half an hour late from the staff room, then cutting the sessions short to 12 minutes. 
That's not all of it though, he started a session with 'first of all, I wanna ask you a question, was looking through your medical history and I'm confused about your DNA' now if you were told that, what would you think?? You would think your father isn't your father, right??!! Well this is what I thought, so I questioned him about it and said I was confused with what he meant, now, if I was questioning someones DNA I would be telling them why, my psychologist didn't even do that, he just said 'well I'll move on then'.. 
I went home (not sure how, may I add) breaking inside and eventually got on the phone to my Nan who was with my Mum at the time, about to ask her if I was adopted, YES you read right, ADOPTED!! Because that's what he made me think.
Now I'm 23 so I should have been told at 18 but I wasn't, because guess what?? I'M NOT ADOPTED!!!! 
Also, he left me all of Christmas to think I was. He left me thinking that the family I was celebrating Christmas with wasn't my family. Yeah!! :'(
Anyway, back to the story - my Nan told me that she was with my Mum and was going to ring me later. I got all paranoid and thought they were trying to figure out how to tell me. I eventually get a call back and by this point my paranoia was really bad!! I asked her with tears in my eyes rolling down my cheeks, if I was in fact adopted. She said no, why, who said that?? I explained what my psychologist said about being 'confused about my DNA' and she was like, course you're not adopted, why would you think that??
I wasn't convinced. The next appointment, I brought my Nan with me who asks him what he meant, he then THEN explains to my Nan what he meant, and what he meant by 'confused by my DNA' was my missing chromosomes, yeah something I already knew about.. why couldn't he have told me??
Since then I have been breaking down into tears, paranoia getting the better of me and to top it off, I have psychotic episodes every night since my now last appointment with him. Yeah I still went back to him, but since he cut the sessions down to 12 minutes, I wasn't happy. He didn't have any patients waiting for him, he just wanted to go back up to the staff room to have a coffee and the thing is, he told the receptionist he was going to do that as she was even shocked how quick I was. 
So yeah that's basically what's been going on with me. 
I'm going backwards in recovery, I experience paranoia, psychotic episodes, my EUPD flares up all the time, it's actually ruining my life. I want to just get on with it and now that I phoned up the centre and said I would like to cancel my booked appointment with him and when the receptionist asked me if I would like another appointment, I said NO straight away. So I've discharged myself from him because I felt he was making me worse not better. 

I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday 22nd May 2018 so I will update then too. He wants to ask me about my experience with my psychologist because he's heard that he's caused a lot of issues with his other patients. I'm not looking forward to it, because even typing this now is breaking me inside because to this day, I'm in battle with my family and my head. It's horrible.





Hope you all are doing so much better than me, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enermy. 
I love you all. 
Speak to you in my next blog post (which I am going to type out after I've finished this one because I've got amazing news to tell you!!)

Catherine x