I see my psychiatrist on the 12th September and I'm so nervous. The last time I saw him, I was about to tell him about a suicide plan that I had in place but he didn't have enough time and said that the next patient will be waiting (which they weren't). I don't know, I just feel I'm now beyond help.
My psychologist appointment didn't go to well. 11am Wednesday morning I had really upsetting news. You guys may not know I was admin for a mental health support group on Facebook called BPD Support Ark, the girl that created the group had taken an overdose the night before and passed away in her sleep.
I had been helping her so much, getting her help, into hospital and calling for welfare checks every so often, she kept being discharged from services, she had been asking for help for so long and unfortunately couldn't do it anymore which makes it harder for me. I've never known anyone that had committed suicide in the past and it really pulled on my heart strings. It was horrendous.
That day I had to attend my psychologist appointment with my Nan and I basically had a massive go at the psychologist for what he did as a job and told him why he should be looking out for people like Tori and I.
I literally had a breakdown in front of him and he proceeded to end the appointment so abruptly that I didn't even realise what time it was. I will be seeing him again in October which isn't too bad to be honest. I don't think I'll be asking my Nan to attend the therapy sessions because I just feel like there's no need for her to be there other than to have her points put across too which she did have the chance to in the assessment appointment. I will still let her attend my psychiatrist appointments with me and my doctors appointments too, but therapy to me is meant to be for 1:1 conversations. I haven't told her this yet, so I hope she understands.
I woke up at 5pm yesterday afternoon.. I'm currently on a double dose of medication and so it knocks me out clean until the following afternoon.
To end this here, I want to thank everyone for supporting and reading my posts. If you are reading this, please leave a comment and even share it. I hope to get to know my readers as much as possible. If I have helped you in any way, please let me know, I love to hear from you!!
Catherine x
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