Rejection

As a sufferer of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (also known as Borderline Personality Disorder), I feel weak 99% of the time. Crying over this and that. But as most people who suffer with BPD know, fear of being rejected is one of the hardest things to deal with. 
This happens to me all the time, the word "no" hurts me just like an insult would hurt someone else. It's not just emotional pain though, you can feel the pain all over your body. 

So how do we deal with rejection and people pushing us away?

We have trust issues, so it's not easy to trust that person or other people in general again. 
We push people away before they can do it to us which in one way is good because we don't get hurt, but in another way it's bad and unhealthy because that's our go-to approach to rejection and then we feel isolated and start shutting ourselves away. 

My family know that the word "no" hurts, so they try not to say it too many times to me, because then I really go down hill then they wonder why i'm pushing them away.
Someone told me this morning "I hope you don't change your mind tomorrow", I hope so too but if I don't feel well enough tomorrow then I will change my mind because if i'm not looking after myself, who is going to?

If someone you love is isolating themselves, the worst thing you can do is bombard them with messages and calls. They are isolating themselves for a reason, yes a text to say "you know what I'm here if you need someone to talk to" is fine, but not loads asking if they are okay all the time. Everyone is different but this is my approach.

After being rejected this morning, I'm back in bed in tears even though to many people who know of me, this is laziness but it really isn't. It's a safe zone for me. If I could wake up feeling good about myself, I make the most of it and go out and experience the world again. But if I wake up feeling like absolute crap, then I won't even get out of bed and that's not a bad thing because at that moment, you literally have no energy even though all you've done is wake up. 

Right now, I'm going to go back to sleep because I can't function properly today and it's only 9:30am. Hopefully i'll be able to eat something later although my appetite suffers because of rejection too. 



Miss Catherine x