This week has been a disaster.
A few weeks back, I got a letter from the Job Centre (which I am not proud of) about an appointment they booked for me to attend a Disability Assessment. Originally I didn't want to go because if they did decide not to let me work, my world will be crashing down around me.
I ended up attending it and then played the waiting game.
A few weeks later I get a letter confirming that I can't work for 12 months. Not the result I wanted. I wanted at least a few limited hours, but nope, I can't even apply for jobs for the next year. So I'm completely distraught about it all.
I also booked an appointment with my doctor regarding going back to driving after being banned for 3 months due to relapse. The ban officially ended 31st July but my Step-Dad who is a qualified driving instructor wasn't due back from being away on holiday until today so there was no point in seeing my doctor a few weeks before so I booked it for 19th August.
I was doing so well. I didn't have many panic attacks, I was confident, I was volunteering for British Heart Foundation. I started my own business. It was going so well. Until 13th August, something happened, I just blew up. I woke up so irritated. With 6 days to go, it had to happen, it just had to throw my chances out the window. I wanted to cancel the appointment but I didn't. I wanted to at least talk about it all to my doctor.
3 days later, another panic attack struck. It was worse and I literally thought the worst. Again, I thought about cancelling the appointment, but again, I kept hold of it incase he did say yes.
Friday 19th August, the dreaded day arrives. I book a taxi to make it easier and stress-free for myself. I get there with 10 minutes to spare. I hate being early and having to wait. I sat right infront of his door, staring at it waiting. Irritation starts building up and I literally couldn't sit still, so I stood up and walked around. I was finally called through and it was now or never.
I asked about driving, and he asked how I was doing. I said alright, up until Saturday so I explained that to him and he couldn't say yes but said that I could get a second opinion. Doubt that will lead me to a yes. So I'm banned for driving again, for goodness knows how long.
I just feel like a failure. :(
